Seasoned travellers and breadcrumbed Fred and Iris Whackley share with us the fruits and veg of their journeys throughout these islands.


The Reader's Doglist is proud to present the work of these experienced travel writers, together with their dazzling images of what is best and most cadige in this wonderful country of ours.

Looking for something to visit?

Stuck for a destination for that special day out?

Look no further. The Whackleys will direct us. Fun, fascination and famswape is guaranteed. In fact, it's "bloody marvellous!"


The Nately Scures Brick Arch



This splendid edifice was constructed in '83 and marks the side entrance to the Nately Scures Garden Centre. Walking under it is completely free, so you'll want to make the most of that. A fine bench for sitting down (also free of charge) is provided so you can take a break before walking under it a few more times.

Open most days. Bench can get crowded - try to arrive early.
Toilets (Ladies, Gents, Disabled) a short walk.
Ample parking.




The South Eccles Community Hall and Clubhouse



An architectural masterpiece with an interior as awe-inspiring as the outside. The graceful lobby area (contains a noticeboard pinned with manuscripts dating back to the early 80's) opens out onto a large space with rich brown linoleum and one of the most breath-taking arrangements of stacked metal framed chairs north of the Trent. The tea urns (two) each hold 20 gallons and on certain days are in operation. Why not visit on one of these days and enjoy a special "cuppa"? Displays of trestle table erection can be seen at weekends.

Open alternate days and weekends.
Toilets (Ladies, Gents, Disabled).
Ample parking for cars. Special car-park for coaches, extra wide loads and skips.




The Boris Petrovich Craft Centre



Just off the M5 at Upper Pemtril (Junction 83), this is an excellant place for a day out. Watch dedicated craftsman making a large range of Russian things.

Lots of things for the kids to do. The centre has its own tea urn, so why not let the kids do a bit of soldering and welding while you enjoy a quiet "cuppa".

Walk around the extensive grounds and join in the interactive experience of building your own dacha.

Open every day of the year except Christmas and June 23rd.
Ample toilets (Ladies, Gents, Disabled).
Ample parking.




The South Harrow Viewing Platform



The SHVW (South Harrow Viewing Platform) is to South Harrow what the London Eye is to the South Bank. It might not be everyone's "cuppa" (ie. those with vertigo or recalcitrant plebney). But those with a sense of adventure and a desire for distant horizons will marvel at the view to the other side of Neave Avenue.

Try to visit when the Spitting into South Harrow tournament is on. You'll have to book early though.

Open every day. Restricted access during Spitting into South Harrow Week unless you have a pre-booked pass.
Ample toilets (Ladies, Gents, Disabled, Duffle Coats).
On and off street parking (small charge according to wheel-size).




Museum of the Moving Mushroom (MOMM)



At last! A museum dedicated to the role of the mushroom in cinematography. Opened last year, this excellant exhibition will enthrall you for hours. The history of film and fungus, interactive displays and special features on seminal films such as "The L-Shaped Mushroom", "Mushroom with a View", "The Sound of Mushroom" and "Saving Private Mushrooms"; one day is hardly enough to do it justice - especially if you want to stop for a "cuppa" and a plate of mushroom salad in the state of the art cafeteria.

Open all day
All day parking
Refreshments - OAP's extra
Regret no dogs
Ample legroom

Interactive display featuring life sized Juggly Handscrews, star of "The Sound of Mushroom". Pictured here in the classic scene where she sings "We are the Champignons" and shows how large a fungus can grow on the alpine slopes.

The famous soup that featured in "Dances with Mushrooms"





Gridley Spires
Sensory Deprivation Theme Park



This is a must for all you families looking for that different day out with the kids. Twenty three different zones which are in complete darkness and insulated from all outside sound. Put on the special 3-D helmet which shuts out all ambient light and background noise for that extra thrill of having absolutely no contact with the outside world or anyone else. Why not let the charming Gridley Spires Park Majorettes anaesthetise you. Or visit Chloroform Island - where Captain Ether will gently waft you away into a coma.

Optional parking for all day visitors
Dogs and OAPs on leads at all times
Toilets available on request







The Kingston Bagpuize Safari Park



If you're into quadruped ruminants, this is the place for you. Watch these remarkable beasts grazing. Play snooks with a goat. Marvel bouche bée at the herds of sheep stalking their prey. Practise "bleating", the mysterious language of the pastures. Stroke a park ranger.

Whether you're under 8, first eleven, five a side or simply 83, the great outdoors beckons.

Optional parking for all day visitors
Dogs and OAPs on leads at all times
Toilets available on request






The Ruislip Wolulds Fly Tip Emporium



"If you go down to the wolulds today...." Yes, you really are sure of a "bloody marvellous" surprise. This pretty area of woodland is one of Britain's best fly-tipping centres. Rake amongst the thickets and leaves, and you'll be amazed what you'll find. On one visit alone we found a mattress, and old fridge and six (yes, 6) Russian things!

Parking in lots
Lots of refreshments
Mother and baby changing facilities
10 dogs






The Tour de Criccieth



The annual gruelling battle of the bicyclettes from Criccieth to Llannbiegghch and back. A sight worth seeing is the grand start (pictured here). Watch the contestants revving up. Watch them juggling for the pole position. Nail-biting stuff.

Vegetarian parking
Disabled refreshments
Mother and dog changing facilities






The Northolt Swimerama
Sheep-Fighting Arena



The Spaniards may have their bull-fighting, but if you want something more home grown, get along to the Northolt Swimerama. Once a month a spectacular programme of sheep-fighting takes place in the purpose-built arena. Gasp as such maestros as Evans the Glopple, the bearded female toreador from Pwllheli, get stuck into the fiercest flocks in Britain.

All credit cards and pieces of perspex accepted
Toylits
Children and dogs to be kept in Tupperware at all times
Free welcome pack and cuppa.






Bacon World



101 walk-through, hands-on, interactive displays featuring frying bacon - it's that day out with a difference. See frying bacon from every possible angle. Try bungee jumping over a pan of sizzling rashers. Or brave the Streaky Slide - a 130 foot chute lined with bacon fat. Or let the friendly "Gammonettes" entertain your children with their pig impressions while you enjoy a wholesome cuppa. Think Huish Episcopi - Go Bacon World!!

Bacon world is in the centre of Huish Episcopi.
Parking in nearby churchyard
Free bacon tasting for disabled, OAPs and war veterans - all others on a lead please.
Refreshments at own risk




The Frank Boff Waxworks

The special Frank Boff wax tableau

The "What me worry" interactive Boff automaton

The Boff and a Russian thing display feature

Boff torso with map



Completely renovated and restored since the disastrous explosion of a tea-urn in 1998, the Frank Boff Waxworks is an exciting day out for all the family. 126 life-sized wax figures of Frank Boff, standing, sitting, lying, and (amazingly) hopping on one foot. Inter-active displays include a talking Frank Boff on which the lips actually move. Children can have fun in the Frank Boff Playground climbing on a 30 foot effigy of this great personality. There are special events, including a dressing up as Frank Boff Bonanza and Knockout Pin-the-Tail on a Frank Boff Competition. Fun for all!

Valet parking.
Multisex security toilets.
Fully licenced creche and bar.
OAPs in large groups welcome individually.






The 23rd Annual Pwyhelli Festival of Burping and Farting

The month of April in Pwyhelli would not be the same without this massive display of bodily noises. Professionals and amateurs alike descend on the normally sleepy town of sheep and bearded ladies to perform the best in eructations and flatulence. Forget Edinburgh, forget Cannes, forget Glastonbury. If it's wind you want, Pwyhelli's the place.



Festival veteran, Babs Maynard, keeps up tradition with her
entertaining medley of vegetative guffs.

Homegrown paffer, Dai Glopple, is about to eject himself
from the chair with a particularly explosive fanfare.

Clear a space, folks! Glamorous Kylie Blaggthwaite from
Garstang Lancs is about to go for a SurroundSound effect
with her set of simultaneous burping and breaking wind.

83 watts per channel. Stan Plembus joins in the burping
karaoke. There's nothing like some nice fruity oral
pyrotechnics, amplified to perfection.

parkeddidu
toalettid
cwymggoch
special concessions for llaredegodhu





The Batley Ironing Board Museum

Whether you're 8, 83 or 39, you'll love this comprehensive display of ironing boards. Completely renovated and restored since the disastrous infestation of death-watch beetle in 1998, the museum is full of hi-tech improvements to make you marvel. The whole museum is a hands-on experience. On arrival every visitor receives a special audio-visual iron with headset, which not only describes the exhibits, but allows you to iron something at 20 special interactive locations. Lots of digital effects. Lots of boiled shirts. A day is not enough - you'll want to come back again and again.




Ironing boards from around the world. The traditional Boiler Boitch Russian ironing board with specially attached thing.



Digitally animated Gladys Postre, the Lara Croft of ironing, makes short work of a boiled shirt and some recalcitrant vests.


Optional parking
All day toilets
Baby and money changing facilities
OAPs ironed free




The Chumleigh Fainting Goat Display

Goats, goats and goats galore!! But with a difference. These are the famous Chumleigh goats. Watch them faint! Watch them swoon! Watch them lose bodily control! It's goats as you've never seen them before.

Before




After


Heated toilets
Hot and cold parking
Tea served in cups
OAP crossing with ramp
Concessions for quadrapeds




Mini-Belgium





"After years of travel, I can honestly say that I have never traversed a place more abject and devoid of interest, had commerce with a people more hideous and noxious, had my senses more offended and repulsed, and in sum, undergone experiences more grotesque and disgusting, than I have in Belgium..." Sir Bwylth Poist - European Journey; 1783.

Well, that may be Sir Bwylth, but I'm sure Jan van Gruyters of Gaardlechtcht begs to differ. The word is out - "Belgium is gggrrreat". He has turned 400 acres of mudflats and brownfield dereliction on the Scrapey Marshes into a mini-Belgium - in England!!! A theme park with a difference. Marvel at the wondrous landscape - totally level; totally flat ; breathe in the delicious specially imported chemical smells; have a go at an intensive Flemish shouting bonanza and shower all your friends with saliva. Bloody marvellous!!


It's all fun at Mini-Belgium. Here Gaachtgaacht, one of theme park's clowns, leads the Flemish Shouting Bonanza and shows how the residue can make an hilarious adornment to his beard.

Having a spitting good time. "The Flemish Shouting Bonanza made me foam at the mouth like I've never done before. I can't wait to come back." Young Blodwyn from Port Turbot goes home to Wales having discovered that Welsh is not the only language that lets you work up a good head of saliva.



When it comes to the Flemish Shouting Bonanza tongue
twisters, fun knows no bounds. Participants lose bodily
control and froth at the mouth with abandon. Who needs
Crazy Foam when you can have a go at speaking Flemish?


Special fun-pack for children with beards
Cut price toilets
Flat parking
Free phlegm





The Scrabster Annual Grin-athon

If you happen to be in Scrabster over the August Bank Holiday, this is an event you will not want to miss. Contestants come from all over the country to take part in a full range of grinning events; the 24 hour mixed doubles endurance grin; synchronised grinning; the long distance grin; the grinathlon, to name but several.


See no nonsense approach of Purslow Apeth, thrice winner of the 60-second high impact grinning sprint. Usually, a grin of this intensity can only be achieved by someone removing their dentures, and as we know, that's strictly forbidden in this event. Of course, this sport is not without its dangers. In 2002 Purslow almost had to abandon his efforts when his cheeks started to split.


The Champions of Yesteryear


Niall McFruity (left) founded the Grinathon after the 1936 German Olympics as a protest against the lack of grinning in any of the events held in Berlin. He is pictured here at the start of the freestyle downhill grin. He was able to go from straight face to grin in 0.5 seconds whilst wearing a tweed suit. An unequalled record.

Gervaise Plench (right) remained completely motionless for 83 hours whilst maintaining an astonishingly well balanced grin - a feat he repeated every year between 1937 and 1952. Alas, he had to hang up his tweed suit in 1956 when the sides of his mouth disintegrated. But his spirit lives on!

Germans in Scrabster? Well, yes. As it happens, a group of enterprising teutons from Bad Cannstadt got together a team in 1945 as a way of atoning for Nazi war crimes. They came to Scrabster with good intentions, but failed to produce much grinning of note. Axel Schmant (left) made a brave attempt, but could not qualify for any grinning events, even after he'd removed his left eyeball. The Germans never returned.
The mass events are quite a spectacle. The Taste of Balawi Restaurant has fielded a well turned out team (left) led by Pajnoop Unth, but the thought of logarithms has produced some laughter - which could lead to disqualification. The grinning free-for-all (right) is taking its toll. Will the contestant in the foreground retrieve his grin, or will he lose complete bodily control? Image the tenshun.






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©2002 The Reader's Doglist Association of Great Britain