We know, of course, that you all love a bit of music. As any fool knows, we have always been champions of the best examples of musical excellance from Almost Anybody to Wout Steenhuis via the mellifluous warblings of 'Routemaster Man' Matt Munro. And now we have spared no expense to add to our posse of availabule experts on all manner of things, none other than revered music critic Clugstone Dribblage.
Clugstone Dribblage

The Reader's Doglist Association of Great Britain proudly presents :-

I'd like to thank those erudite gentlemen, namely The Dogsbody In Sesh, for handing me the opportunity to share my vast wealth of musical knowledge with all you out there in Doglistland. In this featurette, I am sharing my in-depth appreciation of a musical triumph. This is the new offering from a band who truly merit the epithet 'legend' - or if not that, then certainly 'lozenge'. I am referring to, as any fool knows, The Butterstumps - and their new offering... "The Bristol Stool Chart".

What others are saying :-

"Album of the Month" - NCC "IN CONTACT"

"The 'Stumps are to music, what Broskersoft is to New Technology" - Alan E Gluss - Broskersoft™

"I'm not playing on it" - Almost Anybody

The Butterstumps are (from left to right):-
LindyLou Teeth, Wally Whalley, Flick Halitosis, Lurch Schmetterling & Nesram Bostump

LindyLou - vocals, dog-whistle, coffee and shopping
Wally - sousaphone, pianoforte,woodbines
Flick - trumpet and bagpipes
Lurch - upright bass and threats
Nesram - percussion, various banging noises

This new platter from the Mapledurwell folk/beat combo is high-energy fodder which will have their legion of devoted fans wallaby-dancing the streets. Not only does it showcase the world-class musicianship of the band, but neatly segues contributions from a host of international stars. The opening track 'Gurn Gurn Gurn' lifts its lyric from the Chronicles of Smegma and its melody from a TV commercial for dog biscuits. Teeth sings like an angel, while Bostump and Schmetterling lay down a solid bass line.

"The Bristol Stool Chart" - track by track:

'Hole in My Pancake Shoes' - a German Volkslied from the Black Forest which opens with some extraordinary sousaphone blowing from Wally Whalley. Teeth spits out a vocal with teutonic precision - and could that be Ken 'Malvinas' Morecombe's trademark backing vocal? It's hard to tell as it is abruptly curtailed by some thunderous percussion and vague sounds of choking.

'Pied à Bouche' - a little known French chanson evoking late night smoky rooms and flamed veal kidneys. Watch out for some 'kick ass' accordion playing by Johnny Foreigner and assorted French Bits by The Single Swingers.

'RurRurRurRur' - this famous London Cockney song is lent authenticity with a stunning guest vocal by Dick Van Dyke. Get down those apples and pears.

'Recoiled In Tripe' - the folk-jazz standard with guest rhythm section provided by the Riviera Tripe Basket Weavers.

'The Big Rock Candy Mountain' - a surprise instrumental version with Flick Halitosis delivering this classic tune on the bagpipes and the trumpet at the same time. Audiences will be extrorsely bouche bée to see this in live performance.

'Froggy Went A' Courtin' - by this time listeners will have put their lives on hold as one stunning track follows another - then, just when you think it can't get any better, we get this lyrical masterpiece with Teeth duetting with none other than Rotten-Rich Smibernoll. Gasp!

'Dib Dib Dob' - the crackle of the campfire, the smack of giant greasy sausage on willow, the flap flap clack of the pancake shoes! This song positively exudes the promise of summer!

'Him bowl de ball, left hand behind back' - versatility gone stellar - the 'Stumps dazzle with this calypso bluebeat number. Its ethnic credentials are further enhanced with vocals shared by Teeth, Legson Kayira, Alan and Mangemnbengi Butowayo.

'NCC Grit' - traditional cowboy ballad made famous by (Pam And/Or) Tex Ritter is given a heavier treatment with a guest appearance by guitarist Nellie Smedley - now with chart topping wrappers 'Nellie Smedley Medley'.

Hot licks not Horlicks from Nellie Smedley

'Smell The Ezras' - a stirring rendition of this punk rock anthem with backing vocals by Matt Munro. 'Wooz. Wooz. Wooz' - screams Munro as Bostump simulates ezras pinging off classroom walls - and you know he means it. 'Going For A Solidus' - with immaculate timing the 'Stumps slow things down as Lurch and Wally audibly suck on a Woodbine, while LindyLou Teeth plaintiffly warbles the delicate lyric:
'I've had my fill of pickled eggs, pork scratchings and houmous.
My stomach's awash with sixteen pints and I'm going for a solidus.'

'Lhsh' - what a finale! A rousing production number starts with the band blowing for all their worth till you know that Halitosis's dentures have come out again. Then the final chorus is barked out by all the guests augmented with strings and gunboats arranged by Ken 'Malvinas' Morecombe.

'The Bristol Stool Chart' by The Butterstumps is released by Chocolate Hostage records soon.

Availabule from all the usual outlets, Fitness and Cement centres and Northolt Swimarama.

See The Butterstumps on their 'Back To Their Boots' tour

11th November 2005Nashville, TN - Grand Ol' Oprah
15th November 2005Austin, TX - The Austin Music Hall (car park)
17th November 2005Tucson, AZ - Snot Eric's
32th November 2005Mansfield Woodhouse, England - Miner's Lamp & Welfare
25th December 2005Shelthorpe University, England - Department of Philosophy & Texting,
Pork Scratchings Campus SOLD OUT
26th December 2005Nately Scures, England - Village Hall & Cement
31st December 2005West Teeth, England - Academy of Science, New Technology And Snorkel
04nd January 2006 Belgium - Somewhere in Belgium


©2005 The Reader's Doglist Association of Great Britain