EDUCATION FEATURETTE


The Readers Doglist Association Of Great Britain is proud to endorse a splendid range of evening classes at the West Teeth Academy Of Science, New Technology and Snorkel. As any fool or Almost Anybody knows, we at the Readers Doglist Association Of Great Britain, are sticklers for quality - especially when it comes to the purity of our native language in its written and spoken form - indeed we prefair to say "strive to be excellant! Choose one of these classes and get excellant at something!"

Course Title

Outline Syllabus, Miscellaneous Info & Snorkel

TYRE ARRANGING


Ever wondered how those wonderful arrangements were perfected when you see a whole bunch of tyres in the lay-by? Get some expert instruction and do it yourself!

Course Tutor : SROBERT MARK


'I'm convinced they're a major contribution to road safety'


SALSA






Wife or girlfriend nagging you to go to salsa classes? Volunteer for this one and get some brownie points!
No exercise required.
No sense of rhythm? no problemo!

Course Tutor : BRUCE 'BUDGIE' NOTNATS






GURNING




Ugly? The solution's easy! Come along to our gurning classes and no one will know you're ugly again!

Course Tutor : VERSTOPFUNG DURCHFALL





CILLIT BANG FOR BEGINNERS






Get more bang for your buck! This is not something that foreigners can employ to gain an unfair advantage! No!
We've spared no expense to offer you cost-effective instruction from Europe's top Johnny! Cillit bang will have you shouting like a foreigner in minutes!

Course Tutor : JOHNNIE FOREIGNER



COUNTRY DANCING





Don't confuse this course with all that stuffy dancing you've seen in films of Jane Austen novels - no, we are learning how to dance through countries without getting shot by the natives! This term it's dancing through Swaziland, Botswana, Chad, Umbongo, Limpopo... we could go on!

Course Tutors : ALAN & MANGEMNBENGI BUTOWAYO



DEALING WITH PANTS




Let's face it, who can claim to be a real expert? Getting two legs in one pant hole regularly? Learn how to do it properly and, better still, learn how to share your knowledge with family and friends.

Course Tutor : MADGE JAFFA LEGS



STANDARD NATIONAL HEALTH SERVICE DENTISTRY






A layman's guide to looking after your dental health without resorting to visiting the dentist! Tooth whitening, veneers, crowns and caps - you don't need it. This course covers the basics with only simple tools required (hammer, chisel and pliers). Sit down for a meal with your family and wonder at how a little knowledge on your part has produced a table full of people with no teeth! Sorted!

Course Tutor : FRED WHACKLEY



REPAIRING RUSSIAN THINGS




Having trouble with your Russian things? Build-quality issues giving you headaches?
Get help from an expert. In a few short weeks you will be able to power your lawn mower with a 1600c.c. Lada engine or upgrade your washing machine with genuine Soviet nuclear submarine spares!

Course Tutor : SPACKOYNEE NOTCHI



CHINESE PILATES - PIRATES!




Scriff Lichard say 'man who not exercise eat dinner with one chopstick. You tarzan, Me pineapple'
Rord Andlew Rroyd Webber say 'I Rike Pirates'

Course Tutors : SID & KEN MOAN



CREATING THE ULTIMATE BOTTLE OF WEE




Getting caught short in your car? Forever driving with your legs crossed? Learn how to select the perfect recepticule and the knack of discreet fillage without spillage!
Course sponsored by the Road Haulage Association.

Course Tutor : ROSEMARY CLOONEY



ENGRISH




Holidaying abroad? Venturing off to far-flung destinations?
Can't be bothered to learn difficult oriental languages?
Then come to us and master the use of ENGRISH. Those restaurant menus will no longer be a challenge! Don't be fazed by the offer of 'Slippery chicken hot pot young' or 'Qian fork with floating' or 'twice cooked pork pie folder' or 'fragrant and hot misrepresent mouth frogs' or 'fanny law the head of millet'... we could go on!

Course Tutor : MARGARET CARRUTHERS



COMMUNAL WASP SLAPPING




What's your favourite summer sport? One day international parking? Sausage Crickets? How about trying Communal Wasp Slapping? Your tutor has been slapping wasps for years and it hasn't done her any harm. "I'm a little more flatulent these days", she says, "but the noise has done nothing to upset my aim."

Course Tutor : AUNTIE FRIDGE



LINE DANCING




Not to be confused with the yee-haw dance style imported from our American cousins - this line dance can stretch on for miles. Invented by the legendary Legson Kayira, it tells the story of his walkabout from his native Malawi to Northolt Swimming Baths in the 1960s.

Course Tutor : BONCEY



MASTER THE INFRA-DRAW METHOD




Learn how to spell Keynsham... that's Keynsham - k... e... y... n... s... h... a... m... Keynsham, Bristol.
Summer school in Keynsham included.

Course Tutor : ARSCILLA



RELEASING GAS




... in some shape or formule
Like swimming - but daren't go to the local pool because you're constantly breaking wind?
Let Bob Parp show how to turn this to your advantage - Olympic records will be within your grasp when you've mastered the propulsion techniques!

Course Tutor : BOB PARP



MINDING YOUR OWN BUSINESS




Are your neighbours a bunch of nosey bastards?
Let us show you how you can teach them a lesson without necessarily causing them permanent injury.

Course Tutor : POT HOLES



WEIGHT WATCHING




You were the little fat bugger!
No, for this course you will just be watching weights - not even lifting them!

Course Tutor : LESTOH PIGGOTT



JAPANESE WIRING FOR BEGINNERS




Spanish wiring seems like child's play compared to the oriental model. Ramptreacle, as ever, will elucidate, articulate, obfuscate, ameliorate and provide delicious chod spread sandwiches.

Course provided by RAMPTREACLE



REVAMP YOUR DINING CHAIR




Why purchase expensive new furniture when you can give your old a new lease of life? This forty-eight week course shows you how to recover your dining chairs with style and pizzazz. Ideal if you live near trees.

Course Tutor : MISHA KUZNETZOV



IT SKILLS & CROCHET




This course is sponsored by Broskersoft.
Learn the basics of web design, chain stitch, slip stitch, networking, yoh, binding off, thin clients etc.
Achieve the 'that's nice, dear' moment!

Course Tutor : EDITH PBWLLPBLBLPWBLLBWPLLB



ADVANCED FLY TIPPING




Learn where to tip and what to tip.
Then discover the skills of arranging and assembling your detritus into a masterpiece. Let the experts show you that it's not just thrown together!

Course Tutor : SID THE BUCKET



HOW TO ASSEMBLE FLAT-PACK FURNITURE




Are you humiliated by the sight of your seven-year-old assembling your wardrobes with ease when you got nowhere in four days? Let Ivan Mudak from UREA show you how!

Course Tutor : IVAN MUDAK



PRINCIPLES OF KEYNESIAN ECONOMIC THEORY




Don't know your macroeconomic outcomes from your elbows? Well, wise up with this course. Covers monetary policy, fiscal policy and bringing up joeys.

Course Tutor : SKIPPY



DARTS FOR BEGINNERS




Learn about oches, nine dart fimshes, drinking beer and, most importantly, making up your playing soubriquet!
Boffy "the drains" Tweggs, "Pie-Face", "The Milkman" etc. etc.

Course Tutor : FLIPPER



THE TROMBONE FOR THE DEAF




Don't let an unfortunate handicap stop you! Make a hell of a din, annoy your neighbours and never realise they're banging on your door to complain!

Course Tutor : PRIN CÉZANNE



THE LADIES' GUIDE TO PHOTOGRAPHING DOG-DO




Ladies - don't miss out! We bet you walk away when hubby is snapping a fresh pile! Well, show him you can do it!
Empower yourselves!

Course Tutor : BITA FLUFF





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