The Reader's Doglist Association of Great Britain proudly presents the

...for everyone who really cannot be bothered with gardening!

Do you hate mowing the lawn or feeding your newly-purchased plants to the slugs and sundry other voracious critters that lurk out there in the weeds and mud?

We have once again spared no expense to assemble a panel of experts to let you know how it's done!

Our panel of experts know a thing or two about making the most of your outside space. Let them give you a few tips!

The Reader's Doglist panel of experts

Brown Stain
Brown is a man of the soilů
from the tips of his fingers to the
skid marks in his underpants.
Bob Swob
Bob brings his encyclo-
paedic knowledge of all
things latin in the garden.
He's a man who knows
his alnus glutinosa from
his elaeagnus pungens!
Pew Snuff
Pew lends all that
mystic ying and yang
stuff into the mix
and snorkel.

Let's ask Brown Stain to sort out your domestic garden problems. Speak up Brown, you're through!

Here are some 'before' and 'after' pictures of gardens that were transformed by Brown 'Capability' Stain:



The Shed Garden of Bill And Boff was functional but dull.

A natty little police box provided vast storage capacity
with the additional benefit of providing a means of faster
Buster and Mavis Prolapse are no gardeners but even the
well-intentioned amateur sholuld manage better than this.

A little effort and, hey presto, a formule garden to be
proud of - the Stonehenge feature is a triumph.

Eric and Pilaf Sweng have the makings of a nice
small garden but again seem totally inept.

Aaaaah, the Brown Stain makeover is all it takes!

Snot Eric and partner have tried their hand at turning their
patio into a nice outside space. The old telly was a brave
touch, as was the bin bag and pallet rockery... but...

...a little rearrangement of the furniture, a simple water
feature and Snot coluldn't believe it was the same garden!

Brown's Specialist Design

Brown Stain's Top Tip

The Domestic Appliance garden was a real hit at this year's
Chegsea Show.
White goods by Smegma.

Here's a top tip for a smart display.
Do your hanging baskets end up as
brown as a dodo through lack of water?
Here's the Brown way. Just hang a
nice bucket. Watering is optional.

Bob Swob recommends the following plant to add more interest to your miserable garden patch:-

Scrophularia ningpoensis

Common name:




Botanical references:

Known Hazards:





Ron Dog-Do Halm

Scrophularia oldhami
(Gordon Oldham Scrofula)


None known (other than fitness and cement)

E. Asia - China, Notlob, West Teeth, on the site of
the former Northolt Swimarama
(pictured in a state of demolsh) >>

Gullies, thickets and wet waste places along the
edges of rivers and streams, swimming baths,
tropo, under dog-do

Ron Dog-Do Halm

Pew Snuff shows what publicans can do with their gardens.

Mr. Bursley's 'garden' - a rancid visitation

Bursley - standing in dog-do

What Pew suggests :-

Can't grow anything? Paint it on the walls... or

grab a few pictures of flowers and stuff and
nail them to the fence. Garden... sorted!!!
Some nice concrete and a picture of a
sunflower. How easy is that?

The fimshed articule - Mr. Bursley's has turned nicotine-stained
fingers into green fingers in one foul swoop!

More Gardening News...

We're delighted to see that this local authority is getting
its youngsters digging for victory! Young Norbert's been
given the pantomime spade, poor bastard, but despite
that everyone is having a swinging time

New convert to the outside,
Mr Bursley, says "there's so
much to do out there...

...cutting the sod, or scooping the chod.
The choice is yours!"


©2008 The Reader's Doglist Association of Great Britain