BRITAIN'S GOT PUB SINGERS!
EXCITING COMPETITION RESULT!
READ ALL ABOUT IT!


The Reader's Doglist Association of Great Britain has been proud to sponsor another search for Britain's best... and the winner of this contest will claim the mantle of Britain's and the Reader's Doglist's Karaoke Pub Singer of the year! A dual accolade par excellance as our French cousins woluld have it!

To cut a long story short - we at the Reader's Doglist Association of Great Britain are rightly proud of our succinctness - indeedy, we coluld never be falsely accused of verbosity, wordiness, diffuseness, amplification, long-windedness, prolixity, loquacity, waffle, blah, gush, guff and piffle... we coluld go on... but where were we? Yes, in the time-honoured tradish of such competitions, we assembled, at enormous expense, a star-studded panel of judges to select the finalists from the thousands of hopefuls who entered. Frankly many of the 'hopefuls' proved to be less than 'hopeless' but, rest assured, the Reader's Doglist Association of Great Britain's reputation for associating itself with quality is further enhanced by the shortlisted acts listed below.

As you woluld expect with such a prestigious event, the Reader's Doglist Association of Great Britain selected the finest venue to showcase such a spectacule. Yes, of course, karoake pub singing demands a venue with perfect acoustics, a dust-free atmosphere, the finest Diesel and snorkel - so where better than the Bofors Gun And Giblets? And what better master of ceremonies than chummy licensee Mr. Bursley?


Panel of judges


Slime Uncle 'Unc' Owl
Entrepreneur and
"Mister Entertainment"

Rosemary Clooney
Chanteuse (American)

Almost Anybody
Guitarist (legendary)
(New album 'Playing Safe'
can be pre-ordered from
the Reader's Doglist)

Joan Dull
Library assistant
(with GSOH)


The expert judges scored each act - but the choice of the winner was left to the great British public! Each artiste performed their song with the aid of the customary backing track and teleprompt. Mr. Bursley explained what it was they were supposed to be singing before each performance. We've helpfully included a snatch or two of the song lyrics below to assist those not OFAY with this class of chanson.

Here are the twenty finalists as they were placed - in reverse ordure!





20.

Kev Diesel
"My Wail" by Frank Sumatra

"Andah nah, ye end is nah,
And so affiss the final cotton.
Mah frens, I'll say it clee-ahh;
Aaah stain my case o' which
I'm sodden"
19.

Tom Bowler
"Ale House Clock" by
Elvis Smedley & The Zoo Spartans

"Everybody in a wholesale frock
was dancin' to the Ale House Clock"
18.

Nellie Smedley
"Girls Just Want A Big Bum"
by Myndi Gawper
17.

Barry Caid
"Ivor The Tiger" by Almost Anybody

"It's ah Ivor the tiger, it's ah cree off da pie"
16.

Phoecal Matta
"High Will Ollers Lurve You"
by Whit-Knee Hooligan
15.

Tom Cackston
"Moo Nriver" by Handy Millions
14.

Eric & Pilaf Sweng
"Dog Do Caking the Park"
by Helston Jim & Kacky Knee

13.

The Riviera Tripe Basket Weavers
"Crazy Hospice" by the Oswalds
12.

Rick Shaw
"Ho Sparnissise" by Alf Marspleeno

"Ho Sparnissise - tea drops arfallin'
from your sparnissise"
11.

Ken Bloated
"Police, Release Me"
by Eggorbert Humplestink

"Police, reliss me lemme goo
Fry done wan you any moo-er"
10.

Colin Bung
"The Lass Warts" by
Eggorbert Humplestink

"Aahhyad da lass warts wi'yoo
Two low knee pee pull tageth-ha"
9.

Lyre Pelvises
"Leroy in Las Vegas" by Elvis Smedley

"Brad lad settee gonna set m'arse'ole
Gonna set m'arse'ole on fire"
8.

Sleepy Silver
"Ham Dog" by
Elvis Smedley & The Zoo Spartans

"You ate nothin but a ham dog
Crayoning all da time"
7.

Lisp Severely
"Suspissus Mines" by Elvis Smedley

"We're calling it crap
I can't walk out"
6.

Bill Board
"Seela Palla Foo" by Fra Bowzah

"Seela pallo foo
...azzoooh"
5.

Terry Lean
"Livin' On Half Fare" by the Bon Jela

"Tommy used to walk on the ducks
Yoo Nin's been on strike
He's darnin' his socks -
it's tough, so tough"
4.

Slim Pie-Revels
"Jim The Gecko" by Elvis Smedley

"Well the worm turns
an' in Hungary Leroy wi'
a runny nose
plays in the street as
the code wind blows
Jim The Gecko"
3.

Norman Followthrough
"Retard Lucinda" by
Elvis Smedley & The Zoo Spartans

"Retard Lucinda
That dress not sown
No such plumber
No such clone"

2.

Scriff Lichard (& the Dliftels)
"Traverrin' Right/Rivin' Dorr"
(medrey)
by Scriff hisseff

"Got myseff a clying, tarking,
sreeping, warking, riving dorr"
1.

Hamdust Hall
"High Wood Walk (Fivehunded Mise)" by The Proctologists

"Fa ge' dronk yes no gah bee
Gah be mah ge' dronk stew...
But HIGH wood wark
FIVEHUNDED MISE an HIGH wood wark FIVEHUNDED moor...
...Dadadada dadadada
dadadadauuuuuhhhhhhh"





Most finalists were just glad to be there - unfortunately Scriff Lichard was upset and sobbed "It's not fair. I wanted the Chlistmas No. 1!"

The Reader's Doglist Association of Great Britain and Great Britain are thrilled to endorse Hamdust Hall as our prefaired pub singer. We know you will enjoy listening to his rendition of (500 Miles) for months to come. Clack* below in the customary New Technology manner.

*parental guidance note - tell the kiddies not to try this at home.

CLACK HERE >>


Let's leave the final word to someone who was lucky enough to be there.

On the subject of the performance of Hamdust Hall :- "He was special" said Phil On The Sofa

"Amen to that" says the Reader's Doglist Association Of Great Britain.


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©2010 The Reader's Doglist Association of Great Britain