You've done the 2008 Olympics, seen the Bruce Lee films and had the takeway. But have you really gone the whole way? With one quarter of the world's population boasting home grown Chinese credentials, isn't it clear that being Chinese is the way forward? It's trendy; it's fashionable; it's what more than one billion people are doing. So, don't get left out! Don't just settle for a 41 and an 83 with a spring roll; join the in-crowd. Go Chinese!! Get yourself Chinafied.



THE TRENDSETTERS

A satisfied sample of the one billion that require no chinafication.
THE STICK-IN-THE-MUDS

A crowd of drab occidentals in desperate need of chinafication.

They may well be standing there waiting for Li Yu's Golden Dragon Takeaway to open, but it takes more than a bowl of noodles to get yourself chinafied.

Go on lads, get down to your local chinafication clinic for that neat nip, tuck and coloration.

Do what our own national treasure, Scliff Richard has done...!!!



BEFORE

Scliff is seen here ready to go for that all-important metamorphosis.
AFTER

A simple bit of cosmetic surgery and a change of attitude is enough to transform a grinning has-been into a thoroughly state-of-the-art Scriff Lichard, totally chinafied and ready to become the one billionth and first Chinese.


Another national treasure follows suit. Good old Brute Force shows that it's never too late to be fashionable and get yourself chinafied. He may be at least 101 but there's no stopping this ancient specimen. "Rice to see you; to see you, rice."





Harry Lobes has undergone effective chinafication and is even prepared to contemplate eating one of his pets.



with my pipe and an ounce of old shag.
Our old friend Tubby Clayton, pipe smoker and poet extraordinaire, shows that he is in tune with the times. He has even composed a few lines of verse to go with his face lift.


Of course, going Chinese is nothing new. A visit to Brihgton Pavilion will show that. The Prince Reggie, although he never went through chinafication himself, made sure that just about everything around him had. We owe it to him for inventing chinoiserie, and he filled his Brihgton folly with bags of it.
Here we see the Prince Reggie himself having scoffed a set meal for six. He was obese, scrofulous, suffered from gout, mange and grottidge, and had a liver so engorged it could be used as a bouncy castle. Chinafication of his own person was therefore out of the question. To console himself he set about chinafying everything in the Brihgton Pavilion. Chinoiserie was born.

Some examples of chinoiserie from the Brihgton Pavilion:


Jack and Mavis Sprule sitting outside the Brihgton Pavilion having enjoyed a whole wok-full of chinoiserie. As we can see here, Jack has had the operation, but Mavis is still waiting for BUPA approval.
Mavis, pictured here, having got BUPA approval for a full chinafication treatment. She looks very happy with the result.
Yes, folks. Why buck the trend!! Get yourself chinafied. If enough of us do over here, then we can have in 2012 a repeat of the Beijing Olympics. But in London!!





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