You said you coluldn't believe it was all over and, as any fool knows, we at the Reader's Doglist Association of Great Britain, woluldn't disappoint an anxious readership! We have therefore spared no expense to commish a new work from the one-and-only Stanislav Dukla-Bluhurg. With supreme excitement we proudly present the first instalment of our soon-to-be-world-famous drama series. You said you wanted more. You wanted the loose-ends neatly tied together. You wanted closure. You wanted snorkel! Well, read on!


'The Russian Thing:
What Happened Next'

by Stanislav Dukla-Bluhurg

Part One



A quick recapulaish....... for those joining this complex plot as it thicked up in the previous Paff Chair Theatre presentation.................

Boris Petrovich Maiski is an innocent in Moscow mixing with 'students' Misha Kuznetsov and Nina Gagarina who display a studious front while lusting after the dark pleasures of 'walking in Moscow', 'drinking beer' and 'playing guitar'.

At the hotel used by Boris, an extra piece of luggage appeared like Heinrich Böll's proverbial Extraportion Pudding. Why were the hotel staff desperately trying to foist this 'bag' on anyone who approached the administrator's desk?

Or had this all been engineered by the mysterious Vanya, the hotel porter?

Later Boris buys postcards and stamps - but why he purchases four postcards and only two stamps is not explained - is it significant?

But Boris is not as innocent as he pretends. He is revealed as a serial womaniser from whom no one is safe. Will his 'friend' in Kiev, Valya, find out?

There follow trips to the Big Theatre, to GUM and to football matches. Dare we mention the incident in the hotel shower room... It is all here... intrigue, femmes fatales, skulduggery and snorkel! Girls everywhere! Girls singing. Girls at football matches. Girl from GUM. Mysterious girl at the ice cream buffet.

As the story 'fimshed' we could not be sure if Boris ever got to the airport.

Where was Vanya when Boris left the hotel on his way back to Kiev - why didn't he carry the bags? And what about the mysterious extra bag? Who noticed that back in 'Part One' Boris was presented with a suitcase, briefcase and a bag by Vanya the hotel porter - but Boris refused to accept the bag was his. Then at the end of 'part four', Boris is dashing off to the airport with suitcase, briefcase and bag with no explanation of his change of heart! What did Boris do with his stamp-less postcards?

What happened back in beautiful Kiev with its theatres, parks, squares... we could go on...? Did Valya find out about the girls in Moscow? Did Boris receive a swift cuffing in the jennies…or worse?

This stunning sequel has been expertly translated by quality linguists from Broskersoft using state-of-the-art toolkits so that the lyrical beauty of Dukla-Bluhurg's wordcraft are accurately and faithfully transmogrified into our native tongue. Marvule at how the intricacies of plot and character are developed by so few words. The art of conversation is not dead!

Our story recommences 'some time later' as we are returned to a more modern Moscow somehow familiar, yet somehow strange......


The Characters

Misha Kuznetsov a former student
Boris Petrovich a business man (not a tourist!)
Nina Gagarina another former student
Tamara Yet another former student
Vanya the hotel porter
Girl in kiosk girl in kiosk
Official Airport official
Administrator Hotel person who is not very helpful
Valya Boris' 'friend' from Kiev



'The Russian Thing - What Happened Next' by Stanislav Dukla-Bluhurg.

Scene 1


A giant AEROFLOT airliner has just landed at Sheremetyevo Airport, Moscow. A relieved business man, Boris Petrovich Maiski looks skywards making gestures of thanks and he wobbly-leggedly deplanes. Regaining his composure in the arrivals hall, he approaches an official and our story begins :-
Boris Petrovich:Is this Sheremetyevo 1?
Official:Are you a tourist?
Boris Petrovich:No, I'm not a tourist. I'm a business man. Where am I?
Official:From where you come, comrade?
Boris Petrovich :From Kiev. A beautiful city with many parks, museums, libraries...
Official:Yes, I know about Kiev - but now you are in Moscow. Is that where you are supposed to be?
Boris Petrovich:Is this Sheremetyevo 1? Where is my luggage?
Official:Yes. Over there next to the café 'Bulotchki'. Please go by feet.
Boris Petrovich:Thank you.


So Boris is back in Moscow on 'business'. He is now a representative of the Kiev company 'Yeetsa' - importers of quality raw materials for the automotive, self-assembly furniture and fish products industries.


Scene 2


An modern airport building with all the trappings of a high-tech society. On some days there is running water in the lavatories.

Official:Your passport, please!
Boris Petrovich:So this is Moscow, is it?
Official:Yes, it's Moscow. This is the airport building. Now, what about your passport?
Boris Petrovich:Are you a tourist?
Official:No, I'm an Official. What about you?
Boris Petrovich:I'm not a tourist. I'm a business man. Here is my briefcase.
Official:Your briefcase? Is the suitcase yours too? And that bag?
Boris Petrovich:Yes. All mine. I'm not a tourist - I'm a business man! Now where's my passport? Ah! Here it is!
Official:Thank you. Is that you in the photograph?
Boris Petrovich:Yes. It's me. I had a cold.


So what next for Boris? Here on 'business', he has arranged to meet a business contact at his Moscow hotel. But first he must find his way to the hotel "Chossy".


Scene 3


Outside the airport building. Boris seeks directions from the girl in the kiosk. Hidden from daylight for months on end, this girl knows little of the outside world...


Boris:Excuse me, Girl! Can you tell me how to get to the hotel "Chossy"?
Girl:Are you a tourist?
Boris:No, I'm not a tourist. I'm a business man.
Girl:Do you want to buy a copy of the magazine "England"?
Boris:Thank you, no. I have already read that magazine at home in Kiev.
Girl:Kiev? I have often wanted to visit that beautiful city. It has many beautiful parks...,
Boris:...museums, theatres, squares, restaurants and cafés. Yes. But, how do I find the hotel "Chossy"?
Girl:The Hotel Chossy you will find near the Park Of Culture and Rest named after Gorky. Why not go by taxi?
Boris:Good idea, Girl. We have taxis also in Kiev.
Girl:Aaah, Kiev. I have always wanted to visit Kiev. Such a beautiful...


Boris scurries off and waves his hands at a car. Luckily it is a taxi and we might be making some progress...


Scene 4


A Moscow hotel. The Chossy. At the desk of the Administrator.


Administrator: Good morning.
Boris: Good morning.
Administrator: Your passport, please. I see you are a tourist.
Boris: No, I'm not a tourist. I'm a business man.
Administrator: Thank you. So you're Boris Petrovich Maiski?
Boris: Yes, that's me. Where's my room?
Administrator: Your room is Number Three. It's just over here next to the hotel dining room.
Boris: Number Three? Thank you. What is that awful smell?
Administrator: That's lunch. Where's your luggage?
Boris: It's over there in the corridor. A brief-case, a suitcase and a bag.
Administrator (to porter): Vanya, there's the luggage in the corridor: a brief-case, a suitcase and a bag.
Vanya: Right.
Boris: Thank you very much.


Scene 5


Room Three. Very handily situated for a quick meal. The hotel Chossy has a reputation for its cuisine. Lunch on this day was one of its mouth-watering dishs - minced bits with flattened dill pickle and white stuff with lumps. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!


Vanya:Mr Maiski?
Boris:Yes?
Vanya:Is this your room - Number Three? Here's your luggage. We get many tourists here.
Boris:I'm not a tourist. I'm a business man.
Vanya:Not at all. Here are your suitcase and brief-case.
Boris:But where is my bag?
Vanya:What bag? I carried no bag.
Boris:Please go and find it.
Vanya:I must eat lunch.
Boris:No. The case is here, and the brief-case is here, but the bag isn't.
Vanya:Well, there's a thing! Just a case and a brief-case - is that all?
Boris:Yes, that's all. Right. Thank you.


What a turn round this is! Maybe Vanya is very hungry, has no sense of smell or has it some other motive for 'losing' the bag?


Scene 6


The Hotel Administrator's Desk

Misha:Good morning.
Administrator:Good morning.
Misha:Is Mr Maiski in your hotel?
Administrator:Who? Maiski? Just a moment... (checks through papers). Aaah, yes, our tourist from Kiev!
Misha:Yes, Boris Petrovich Maiski. He's not a tourist, he's a business man!
Administrator:He is here. In Room Three.
Misha:May I use your 'phone?
Administrator:Yes, please do.
Misha:Thank you. (dials number... mutters:) Number Three... Aaaaah! Boris Petrovich Maiski! Are you listening? Come now to reception by feet. Before 'business' we must meet an old friend! Come now (not there and back) with a purpose! (turns to Hotel Administrator) Your telephone, please. What is that awful smell...?


Scene 7


The Park Of Culture and Rest named after Gorky.


Boris:What a beautiful park.
Misha:Look, Boris, there is Nina. She seems to be eating. Let's go by feet to meet her!
Boris:Hello again, Nina. You seem to have been enjoying your food.
Nina:Hello again, Boris. How does it feel to be a tourist in Moscow again?
Boris:I'm not a tourist. I'm a business man.
Misha:Nina, when you have stopped eating perhaps you will come with us to Urea? We have a 'business' meeting there. You can shop or visit the restaurant there.
Nina:Aaaaah Urea! They have many fine things... Russian things... there!
Misha:In their restaurant are also many pies, pastries…I could go on...
Boris:But do they have bags, Misha? I know Nina likes to look at bags.
Misha:Bags? All sorts... does not your Urea in Kiev have bags too?
Boris:We have many beautiful things in Kiev Urea, but not yet bags. How wonderful to live in a city with bags!


So Nina has put on a few pounds but still loves her bags. What business could Boris and Misha have at Urea? Will Vanya find the missing bag when he has had his lunch?

Find out in the next thrilling instalment of 'The Russian Thing - What Happened Next' by Stanislav Dukla-Bluhurg.

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