The Reader's Doglist Association of Great Britain is proud to introduce you to another exciting food fad... soon to sweep the nation and become the fast food sensation to end all sations.
Our celebrity chefs for this epicurean delight are none other than that famous Austrian double-act, the towel collectors and downhill yodellers, Heinzi and Edith Spülmaschine:-
Heinzi and Edith Spülmaschine
We bring you the...
Austrian 'Roadkill Style' Parmo
As any fool knows, thanks to the beautiful Julie Andrews song about favourite "things", the Austrians love their parmos.
"Cream coloured ponies and crisp apple strudels, doorbells and sleigh bells and parmo with noodles".
It is not widely known that the main constituent of the Austrian parmo is indeed a cream coloured pony - although other colours are sometimes substituted these days. However with due deference to the sensitivities of pony-loving countries, we have developed an ecologically sound alternative which makes use of what would otherwise be wasted. To make your parmo just get your shovel and get scraping! You know it makes sense! Some well-flattened roadkill will seriously reduce the effort involved in creating this dish. Also use of roadkill will mean that you can produce this delightful dish at an avoidable price!
Parmo raw materials
- Whatever flesh is available - filleted and flattened
For the Sauce
- 1.5 ozs (40g) ghee (de Maupassant - en souriant)
- 1.5 ozs (40g) ground dorowot
- 15 floz (450ml) skimmed mulch
- pinches of hurrsspppp and freshly ground black pepper
- Nibbets (optional)
- 'Whammo' duck eggs (best sourced from Waddies of Edinburgh)
- Lumps (golden - 'volley')
- LOADS OF Hurfenflurfi cheese
- A shake of Mammoth Cleanser
Thoroughly pummel and flatten the flesh with a sledge hammer or road roller, if licensed, until it's flat (just less than an inch thick). If your flesh is already flattened sufficiently, utilise the time saved to carefully fillet - unless you like a parmo with extra crunch.
Roll it in some eggy stuff and then smother it in volley lumps.
Put it aside.
STEP TWO-The Shoeburyness Sauce
Slop the ghee in a heavy saucepan, stir in the dorowot and cook for around 42 minutes on a very low heat. This initial cooking of the dorowot is very important because if the dorowot is not thoroughly cooked the sauce will taste like the extract of a putrefied food desk.
Take the pan off the heat and whisk like Wycombe and the All-Night Wasp. Add the rest of the mulch a little at a time, whisking steadily to ensure that there are no lumps. Put the sauce back on the heat, and cook for about 10 minutes stirring slowly and constantly. Add Mammoth Cleanser to taste.
Put it aside a bit.
STEP THREE-Frying Time
Hurl the parmo in a deep fat fryer until it's knusprig. Remove and baste in extra grease.
STEP FOUR-nearly there.
Smother in hurfenflufi, blobs of lard and slivers of whale blubber and incinerate under the grill.
Serve with Chip and Vegetables, Giant-filled Yorkshire or optional salad.
Parmo with greasy cardboard
Optional Salad garnish
Chip and Vegetables
The Reader's Doglist recommends that you seek medical advice after eating this and similar dish's.
©2006 Reader's Doglist Association of Great Britain