The Roadside Bottle of Wee


How truly appalled I am by the rise of that modern phenomenon which could probably best be described as 'the roadside bottle of wee'.

It has become nigh impossible to drive out in the countryside on a dual-carriageway or motorway without encountering these repugnant mementos of modern life - frequently adorning the central reservations.

I believe we can reduce the likely culprits of this odious practice to the male of the species for hopefully obvious reasons.

Are we really so pressed for time that we cannot afford ourselves the luxury of micturition within the precincts of a convenience? Much effort has been expended to provide an ample network of service stations wherein one can find lavatories which are generally clean and free-of-charge (unlike the other goods and services therein, but that is another matter). Therefore this habit seems not only distasteful but also entirely unnecessary.

I am particularly appalled by the carelessness with which these packages are strewn around without regard for the health and safety of others. It particularly sickens me to see other people's specimens contained within pop bottles, which unsuspecting small children could easily mistake for the legitimate contents of such a container, with consequences clearly too horrifying to shape into thought.

What also concerns me very much is the distinct possibility that certain of these motions could have issued whilst the culprit was in charge of a moving vehicle. If this is indeed the case, I believe an automatic ban is the only just consequence for any perpetrators caught in the act.

I feel sure that it must be possible to DNA-test the contents of these bottles and thereby apprehend the villains responsible. Should we not start the process now, and put an end once and for all to this foul pollution? If not, I shudder to think where it might end.




This letter was not published.





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